


Never Alone

by Nanashi_Soldier



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Past Child Abuse, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-30 22:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1024180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanashi_Soldier/pseuds/Nanashi_Soldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things weren't okay. He wasn't sure they would ever be okay. Maybe he could work to make them better. Or maybe he would just screw them up. Yes. He believed he would just make things ten times worse if he tried. He had dug himself into this mess. He wasn't getting out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Alone

**Author's Note:**

> So... This fic is the result of me being depressed, on the verge of a relapse, and not being able to vocalize myself.
> 
> The Derek/Isaac is very stuble. Blink and you'll miss it. Derek/Isaac not your thing? Imagine them as your new BROTP. I don't know.
> 
> The song Derek sings, also referenced for the title, is "Never Alone" by Jesse Bonanno. Originally, there was no song and the title was different, but the song made me rethink everything and make changes.
> 
> Unbeta'd, so all errors are my own.
> 
> To Derek, this is how I've been feeling all day. And then... I totally imagined what you would say to me and this fic didn't end with the ending I imagined.
> 
> To Lydia, sorry I tried to bite your head off earlier. I don't like being made to feel inferior.
> 
> Enjoy the feels train.

Things weren't okay. He wasn't sure they would ever be okay. Maybe he could work to make them better. Or maybe he would just screw them up. Yes. He believed he would just make things ten times worse if he tried. He had dug himself into this mess. He wasn't getting out of it.

Isaac was just curled up under his covers. He honestly didn't want to leave the room he called home. He hadn't exactly left it in a couple days. Not since 'it' happened. He didn't even want to think about the incident. Every time he did, he just wanted to be sick. Maybe he should have just literally dug himself a hole and just jumped inside. Maybe even cover himself with dirt. It would be fitting.

But no. He was simply curled up in luxury. Curled up under a mound of blankets, trying to think of what he could do to fix things. He couldn't come up with anything. He couldn't fix anything. He couldn't change anything. He had done wrong and no one would forgive him. It was why no one had even bothered to make sure he was alive. Derek never entered his room. Stiles and Scott never dared go near his room when they visited. Heck even Peter stayed away from his room and Peter had never been good at knowing the meaning of personal space.

None of them were trying to make things better. But they weren't fixing it. His dad would have done it. His dad would know the words to say to make him think about what happened. His dad would have punished him. But Derek wouldn't. So he had to do it. Isaac had to punish himself.

Isaac got up, looking around his room. He didn't grab his jacket, just tugged a key out from the pocket and tucked it into his jean pockets. He slipped on his shoes and left his room for the first time in days. He felt like he was just walking in a daze, that nothing around him was real. He didn't really look around as he made his way to the front door. Heck he barely registered that there were other people in the living room, watching him, as he traced across the room.

"Isaac?" Scott's voice startled him for a second as he went to grab the handle of the door.

"Issac. Where do you think you're going?" Derek's question caused him to take in a deep breath. Something about it was familiar. Like this happened a long time ago. He left and bad things happened. His father had died. But perhaps... Perhaps things would be better this way. "Isaac." There was a warning in the way the Alpha said his name, but the Beta didn't heed it. He just tugged open the door and shut it behind him.

He took the stairs down, not bothering to take the elevator. He didn't want to trust his thoughts. Walking he could focus on other things, on anything. The specks of dirt in the flooring, the cracks of the sidewalk, the weeds growing in the spaces between the sidewalks and driveways.

Isaac stopped for a minute and stared at the house his feet had taken him to. He waited, as if expecting the front door to slam open and his father to stand there yelling at him. However, that didn't happen. He trudged up the driveway to the front door, using the key to let himself in. It was his house, not that he actually returned here.

Things were as he left them the last time he was here. There was still the familiar anger and regret smell of his father that hung thick in the air. It was as thick as the smell of fear that was permanently attached to the walls and tried to choke him. He placed the key down on the stand next to the front door.

He traced across the floors, able to still see the faint scratch marks on the floor. He could remember how his father would sometimes drag him, kicking and screaming, to the basement. If only his father was here to see him willingly step into the torture chamber.

The stairs creaked as he walked down them, his hand clinging to the railing as he took each step. He shivered as he reached the basement. It was cold, colder then he could ever remember. He wandered across the floor and stood before the freezer. He ran his fingers across it.

"Get in!" A voice called out of the darkness, startling the werewolf.

"What?" He glanced around, looking for the source of the voice. He didn't hear a heartbeat. He didn't see anyone.

"You heard me! Get in! You've been bad, Isaac. As your father, I have my responsibility." The words made Isaac shrink away. "You can't fix anything now. Is that what you're thinking? You really are good for nothing." The familiar voice got louder. Isaac wanted to cover his ears but felt glued.

"I could... I could make things better." He felt himself whimper.

"Then what are you doing here? Huh? You're worthless, Isaac. I don't even know why I ever let you live. You were always a worthless piece of crap. Now they all know it, too. They all know how broken and damaged you are. So why don't you just do everyone a favor and get in that freezer!" Isaac swallowed.

"It'll make everything better, right?" Isaac turned around and glanced at the freezer.

"If you want to tell yourself that. Just get in the freezer, Isaac. Stop being a wimp. This is what they hate about you. They hate how weak you are. If those around you irk you, you bite off their head. They'd be better off without you around." Isaac took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "You get that, boy? No one wants you around. They never did before the bite and they sure as heck don't want you around now."

Isaac wasn't even sure why the voice made so much sense. Why he actually believed it. "I just wanted to have a real family." Isaac felt his bottom lip tremble. "Was that so much to ask for?" He rubbed his eyes as darkness answered him. He slowly climbed into the fridge and pushed at the lid. It bounced a little before slamming shut.

It was cold and it was dark, a shiver running down Isaac's spine. This was his punishment. This is what happened when you did wrong. You had to be punished. The teen believed this with his whole heart. He believed that this was the only way to learn. If it meant freezing, then so be it. No one would care anyway. None of them had bothered to check on him when he was right there, why would they care to check on him when he left?

Every time he became tired, he clawed his arm. Every time he got the urge to leave, he dug his claws into his arm. He kept reminding himself why he was here. Why he was punishing himself. The smell of blood became suffocating, but he never dared open the lid.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Isaac." He wanted the voice to go away. "Isaac wake up." He shivered, trying to will himself back to sleep. "Hey, no. No sleeping. You need to wake up." It was painful. He didn't want to wake up. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to dream of things being better.

He whimpered as he was forced to open his eyes. The room was bright. He had to shield his eyes while he let them adjust.

"See. Much better." Isaac glanced at the owner of the familiar voice. The pit in his stomach dropped and he tried to find his voice, but couldn't. "Hey now, it'll be alright." He moved a little too quickly, his body aching as he struggled to move. "If that's how you want to greet me, I'll never let you leave." Isaac nuzzled into the embrace, feeling the warm hand rubbing up and down his back.

"Mom," He let out the word. It felt weird saying the word after all these years. He could barely remember her. He could only remember that she left when he was little. She just packed up and was gone while everyone was out. She left them with nothing but a goodbye note.

"Look at how big you've gotten, Ize. You look just like your brother did in high school." She looked him over with a fond smile. "Oh how I missed so much of your life. I'm so sorry." Isaac just wanted to go back to being attached to her side.

"It's alright. You're here now." The woman hugged her son.

"I'm here for now, sweetie." Isaac was confused.

"What?" He blinked.

"You're regretting something, sweetie. There's something on your mind. Talk to me." Her words were comforting. She was everything his father had not been. He leaned against her. He was trying to piece everything together. He let his fingers clutch at the blankets pooling around his waste. The beep that entered his ears. The slow beep of his heartbeat. It wasn't quick or normal paced. No. It was slow, like it was fading.

"I messed up, mom. I could never do anything right. You left... Then Cam left... And then Dad... I disappointed everyone. I made dad so angry... all the time. It was all my fault, every last time. I couldn't make him happy, mom. I could never make him proud." He clutched the blankets like a lifeline, even when he felt his mother tug him into a hug. "Then Derek came... He was offered me a new life. He offered me pack, he offered me strength and no need to be afraid of living. And he did, mom. He turned me into a werewolf and things were better. I could overlook being wanted for dad's death, living in a burnt down house, living in an abandoned train warehouse. I could deal with a lot of things. But... I couldn't deal with the disappoint. I just let down everyone again, mom. I let down my Alpha. I let down my friends." By this time, Isaac had started to cry.

"Shh... sweetie. It's alright."

"They wouldn't talk to me mom. I snapped. I nearly tried to bite Lydia's head off because she began to treat me like I didn't know what I was talking about. My temper... I can't control it sometimes. It's getting worse. And they distance themselves... Like I'm diseased or something filthy... Like they want nothing to do with me." Isaac took a slow deep breath, mostly trying to calm down.

"But it sounds like this has happened before." Isaac nodded quietly. "And did they talk to you after the last outbursts?"

"After a while... They pretended like nothing happened." Isaac muttered after a moment of silence.

"They just need time to forgive and forget. Isaac, you're still human. Werewolf abilities or not, you're human. You err." Isaac sighed.

"Maybe..." He paused. "How'd you know I have abilities?" He glanced at his mother who stood up after hugging him tightly.

"Because I'm watching out for you, Isaac. Now you have to choose, sweetie." Isaac tried to get up, but his legs felt like jelly.

"Choose what?" The beeping came back to his ears.

"You could come with me, or you could stay and wait for your pack." Isaac stared at his mother.

"That's not fair. I want you both." The smile his mother gave him was a sad one.

"You still have so much to offer the world, Ize. Live, alright? And when your time comes, I'll come get you. Alright?" It slowly clicked to Isaac.

"I'm dead... aren't I?" The teen watched his mother shake her head.

"When that beeping noise flat lines, then you'll know. But you're on the verge. Your body and mind are fighting and I'm here to make the choice easier." Isaac wandered to his mother and hugged her. "What's that noise?" It sounded like gentle singing.

"Listen." He quieted and the words flooded his senses.

_When you can't seem to find your way home_  
 _And when life gets too hard_  
 _To face on your own_  
 _I will stand as a light through your darkest unknown_  
 _I will walk with you_  
 _So you're never alone_

_You're never alone_  
 _Like a tear in the ocean_  
 _Or a star on a clear winter night_  
 _You're never alone_  
 _When the courage you needed_  
 _Has been all but defeated in you_

_I'll do anything that I can do_  
 _To show you my love and comfort you_

"Derek." Isaac didn't think he ever heard Derek sing before. His voice was gentle and quiet. It was soothing.

"He's worried about you, sweetie." Isaac faced his mother. The werewolf made up his mind.

"I want to be with you, mom." He took a deep breath. "I want to be with you so badly. With you and Camden." He looked at her with tear ridden eyes, a couple rolling down his cheeks. "But I have to right my wrongs with the pack. I have to make you proud. Make them proud." The smile his mother gave him was bright.

"I am proud of you, Ize. You're all grown up. It's time to go back now." She kissed him. "Good luck." Her words felt like a whisper as the beeping became louder and his world faded to white.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The beeping sound was annoying. He wanted it to stop. Perhaps trying to growl wasn't the right thing to do.. It actually hurt and made him cough. His eyes slowly opened to try and take in his surroundings. The scent of hospital flooded his senses, overloading him briefly. Part of him was already aware of this. He could faintly swear he knew he had had people talking to him, trying to get him to wake up.

"You're awake," a familiar voice spoke and Isaac strained to turn his head. Melissa was in the doorway, making her way over to his bed.

"Mrs-" She shushed him quickly and checked his vitals.

"You had everyone, including myself, concerned. None of us thought you'd pull through." Isaac wanted to shrink away. Maybe this was the wrong choice. "You were frozen to death when they brought you in. You've been in a coma for a month, Isaac." The teen was surprised and just stared.

"Why?" He found his voice scratchy. Melissa grabbed a cup and located a sealed water bottle that had been left behind. She unscrewed the cap and poured some water into the cup. She searched around the cart left in the room for a minute before finding a straw. She brought the straw to Isaac's lips.

"Drink slowly." He listened and drank the water slowly. "You're lucky to be alive, Isaac. No one talks about what happened. Scott said they found you in the basement of your old home, unresponsive. They brought you here and you've been out for a month. Your body was probably on the verge of shutdown and we stopped it." Part of Isaac wanted to say he wished they hadn't, but he remembered his talk with his mother.

Melissa tugged the water away.and set it on the table. "Rest. We'll be running some tests later. Make sure you're alright." Isaac nodded.

"Mrs. McCall?" Melissa stopped in the doorway and turned around. "I saw my mom." The words worried the nurse who frowned. "She wanted me to live. I'm not sure I made the right choice anymore." His voice shook as he slowly said the words.

"I'm glad you returned to us, Isaac." She smiled gently, yet sadly. "I'm glad you returned." She shut off the lights and closed the door. She had paperwork to file and exams to schedule. It was about an hour before she was back in Isaac's room with a doctor. She had, of course, contacted her son to tell him of the change in Isaac's state.

They were just bringing Isaac back to his room when she encountered the pack. She halted them in the hallway, keeping them from entering the room. "We need to have a little talk." She rounded them up and moved them to a small seating area that was empty. She had them all sit and she crossed her arms.

"Is there something wrong with him? Is that why we can't see if?" Scott fidgeted and Melissa felt bad.

"It's not physical." She shook her head. "He's unstable. He's awake, talking. It's not in long periods yet. He tires too quickly and fades back out. He's in the stage we sometimes call 'awakening'. It simply means he's slowly coming out of the coma, but will still spend most of his time sleeping." Melissa sighed and watched the reactions, which ranged from annoyed to relieved to worried. "He's on the road to recovery but he will need time to emotionally accept what has happened. Not just what put him in a coma but also everything that has happened since then." Everyone nodded. "And I swear to god if you guys don't tell him that you forgive him for his instability prior, I will make your lives miserable." It was with that that Melissa left the group.

Isaac really had some trouble recalling that there was such a long gap between each time he's awake. He was trying to keep track. He was, with the help of Melissa. She was coaching him through everything, and it was so helpful. He was up to being mainly awake. It was a week after waking up. He still was too tired to actually get up and move, but most of the staff still feared him just collapsing while out of bed.

"How about we try to walk, Isaac?" Melissa said the dreaded words. Although he actually did want to walk, to get out of his room, so he gave a nod. She shifted his bags of medication to a pole. She helped him off the bed. His legs felt like he was going to fall, but someone caught him. The familiar scent was alarming yet comforting.

"You're alright, pup." Derek. Isaac was surprised but grateful. He held onto his pole with one hand, the other glued to Derek's arm. They followed slowly after Melissa.

"We're just going to go across the hall and back. Alright?" She didn't want to tire out Isaac. It felt like too long before they were back to his room. His body ached. Melissa took his vitals and marked them down. "You did really good. Any discomfort?"

"Just sore," Isaac replied, earning a smile from the nurse.

"That's to be expected. I'll set up for some muscle therapy time later tonight. I'll leave you to rest for now." And with that, Melissa left the two werewolves alone. It was the first time Isaac could recall Derek being with him.

"I don't know how much you remember since waking up." Derek settled on the side of Isaac's bed.

"I don't really remember much. Melissa says it is normal. My memory is getting better, been playing memory games with her. It was weird thinking that I was functioning at half mass." The teen shrugged.

"We all kept visiting you, Me, Scott, Boyd, Erica, Allison, Stiles, heck even Lydia and Jackson would visit." Derek ran his hand through his hair, but noticed Isaac's startled face.

"Why?" The question left Derek startled but he brushed it aside in an instant.

"You scared us all. We thought you were going to die. I thought we'd lost you before we could figure out was wrong." Isaac blinked before leaning back against his pillow.

"Melissa says I told her I saw my mother." Isaac fidgeted with the blankets. "That my mom told me to live." He took a deep breath. Melissa kept telling him the story every time he woke up. She reminded him of why he was awake. "I told her I thought I made the wrong choice." Derek reached out and tugged Isaac to him, the teen not even fighting.

"You made the right choice, pup." Derek held him close. Isaac could smell Derek's distress, his sadness.

"I'm sorry," Isaac muttered. "For everything I did." Derek shook his head.

"We're sorry. We're all sorry, and have told you it every chance we got. Melissa said you could hear us even when you were unconscious. But we all apologised, every time we were here. We didn't mean to drive you to think the freezer was your only escape." Isaac wasn't sure if he liked or disliked this emotional side of Derek. Derek was a man of little words. To get him to talk this much... he had really messed up.

"I'll be better... I promise." Isaac whimpered. He would change.

"You're fine, Isaac. We talked with Melissa and she thinks seeing a psychiatrist would be best for you. Both with coming out a coma and before... She thinks it would be a good idea." Isaac knew there would be some catch to everything. They all thought he was insane. But he had to swallow his pride.

"I'll be better," he promised himself. He could feel the world slip away.

"I know." The words were the last thing he heard as his world faded away.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Isaac was settled out the couch, curled up into Derek's side. They were watching horrible horror movies, laughing at everything. Cora was on the other side of him, hogging the popcorn. Peter was settled in a chair next to the couch, not one to pass up an opportunity to bond with his pack. Boyd and Erica were curled up on a loveseat Derek had decided to buy after there were too many complaints of not enough seating for guests during pack meetings. Scott, Stiles, and Allison had joined after they had finished the first movie, settling in front of the couch. Stiles often stole the popcorn from Cora.

The bowl had landed on Stiles' head when there was a knock at the door and it opened. The laughter at Stiles' misfortune died down at the site of Lydia and Jackson.

"I hope we're not too late," Lydia's smile was hesitant while Jackson's expression clearly said he didn't want to be there.

"We're just about to start the next movie." Scott called over to them. Isaac just watched. It was his first pack meeting since he had been released from the hospital. It was the first time he had actually seen Lydia since the incident.

"I'm sorry," Lydia stood before Isaac. "About insulting your knowledge." She brushed some strands of hair behind her ear. "I've been told I have a bad habit of making people feel inferior because it makes me feel superior. While true, I still shouldn't have done it."

"It's alright," Isaac shrugged. It was. Things were better now. Things would be better. "Sit so we can start the next movie." Lydia nodded and moved to settle in the chair on the other site of the loveseat. Jackson sat down first and Lydia sat on his lap. Everyone was quiet for a minute before Derek hit play.

He was all too aware of Derek beside him, even as his mind wanted to shut down and his body demanded sleep. But he could hear a gentle tune. It was familiar and haunting yet beautiful. It was like something out of a dream he had. And only three words came to mind 'You're never alone.'

Things weren't okay. He wasn't sure they would ever be okay. Maybe he could work to make them better. Or maybe he would just screw them up. Yes. He believed he would just make things ten times worse if he tried. He had dug himself into this mess. But he at least knew he wasn't alone. He had his pack and, together, they could work to make things better.


End file.
